but...i have dreams to attend to.

For some reason, my most intense thoughts and brainstorm sessions happened while I'm on the subway. I think there is something about observing people that gets me thinking. 

I have had this reoccurring thought...
is this it? 
it this what my life is?

Now, don't take this the wrong way. I am happy. I am very happy and I am very blessed to have the opportunities to get to do what I do every day. 
BUT ALL THAT BEING SAID. 
Do we go through life, clocking in and out, leaving limited time for the moments that are truly fulfilling and satisfying. 

One thing I have realized about myself is that I need routine in my life. 
I need to have to something on the agenda, I like to workout in the evening. I like to go to bed with a book and a cup of tea. I like having a daily routine. 

I also like being settled. 
As much as I like being rootless, I like to build roots and have my stuff and my space and my comfort with me. 

All in all, I know can't backpack for a year and live out of a backpack. 
I admire people who do it, but it's not me.

And as much as I love making a home and having a routine, I hate that that means I have limited time off to travel, to work on my side projects, to see my family, to work on my writing, to work on my photography, to work on my own shit. 

and so I am trying to figure out, how do I get it all? 
How do i have the roots & the routine, but how do I also ensure that I don't go on autopilot. 

and then, People of New York published this. 

it's not easy to challenge the everyday rules of society. 
this is life. 
wake up. 
eat. 
get coffee. 
work. 
commute home. 
go to the gym.
eat dinner (if you have time). 
listen to some music or the news (I encourage you not to watch the news). 
pass out. 
REPEAT. 

Challenging this routine is difficult.
Leaving this routine is more difficult. 
Why? Because this is the responsible lifestyle. 
and responsibility is praised. 

How you spend your days, is how you spend your life. 

I'm having a hard time accepting that this is how I will spend my life. Wanting to escape more often, but being tied down by the burdens of roots and routine. 


























good fucking question.

if today was the last day of my life, I wouldn't want to spend it in China...and maybe that says something?

I really enjoy what I do at work, really. 
I don't even mind overtiming. I sort of enjoy coming home late after a solid days work, having accomplished lots and being proud of the output. 
I don't even mind working on weekends. 
What I don't enjoy is the autopilot mode that I am encountering.

and that's a scary place to be, because I have dreams.