"Time slips through our hands like grains of sand, never to return. Those who use time wisely from an early age are rewarded with rich, productive and satisfying lives. Those who have never been exposed to the principle that ‘time mastery is life mastery’ will never never realize their enormous human potential. Time is the great leveller. Whether we are privileged or disadvantaged, whether we live in Texas or Tokyo, we all have been allotted days with only twenty-four hours. What separates those who build exceptional lives from the ‘also rans’ is the way they use this time."
pt. 1 2013: herept. 2 2014 here
pt. 3 (present)
'i love october, because from beginning to end, it's beautiful.'
Today C and I rode our bikes around town looking for pieces of furniture to fill my new apartment. We were both in awe at the sheer peace of the streets, the breeze. The temperament of the city and its inhabitants. The families on their bikes, the exchanges of affection on street corners, the sound of the leaves brushing one another, the taste of coffee that is amplified so much as soon as the air gets a little crisper.
The playlist in my apartment just seems so perfect, with a good rotation of Angus and Julia Stone, James Blake, RHCP, ASAP, Bon Iver and Monsters and Men. The sounds so sharp and vivid, inspiring and resonating.
This is october.
I've been buying plants like they are going out of style. Who the fuck would have thought I would be so obsessed with finding the perfect Banana Leaf plant? (ps. i found it).
There are so many things that make October feel so good. This month, G8 started a monthly periodical where everyone submits their month in review and we publish it into an INTERNAL pdf doc. I am so excited for this initiative to continue rolling out so that in the future we can all sit down and read our favorite editions to one another over wine and cheese.
For the first time in months, I am settled in, unpacked and feeling extremely lucky for having a heart that feels so full, yet not heavy.
...but regardless of how good October feels, it is the most important month for me, not only as a birth month, but as a year in review. A time to briefly look back, but more importantly, a time to look forward. So, here goes nothing... a year in review, with a new year ahead.
I guess you can say 26 was a year of growing pains.
I mean, there were changes, some bad decisions, a lack of stability and a lack of roots.
Less travel then I hoped for, but at least I still saw a good chunk of Asia.
I also had a temporary dog.
I faced homesickness to an extreme level after being home for Christmas, a first for me. A feeling that almost took me back.
I faced the realities that came with being an expat; distance from family and friends is a tough pill to swallow every now and again.
26 was difficult.
I think it was one of those years that I will look at in hindsight and be grateful for, but with that said, I do wish it played out a little differently.
I keep thinking about this topic I briefly discussed this last summer; a lack of urgency, a lack of growth, a lack of new knowledge. If you just think about it, as kids we are constantly learning, constantly pushing for something new, something better. We don't lack urgency, rather the opposite. Not that we stop learning, not that we stop doing, but we almost lose a sense of momentum, urgency and desire to continue to evolve.
I feel like last year I lost a sense of desire to be better. To learn more. To do more.
I hate to use the term, but I was uninspired. After having hit a few roadblocks at work, and in relationships with people, I completely and utterly closed doors to knowledge, interaction and growth.
I lacked urgency and to lack urgency in your twenties is pretty fucking awful. If there's a time to be sprinting, while simultaneously smelling all the flowers that need to be smelled, it's right now. And though I evolved, I was merely jogging.
Amongst this shitty acknowledgement, amongst difficulty, amongst rootlessness and a bit of heart ache, I think I needed this year and feel I have acquired many things that need holding on to moving forward.
With 26 came awareness; awareness of all the things I really need to work on personally.
1. awareness that I need to be more patient; with people, with my parents, with colleagues.
2. awareness that no matter how I feel about something, no matter how sure I am about something, no matter if I am willing to move on the subject or not, I CAN ALWAYS LISTEN. I can always hear someone out. I need to be a better listener.
3. sympathy; i need more of it.
4. that commitment will be hard and will grow to be harder the longer I create my own routine and get stuck in my own ways, but that commitment does not mean a lack of freedom, not with the right people.
5. that few people are for me, and I am for fewer of them. Make small meaningful circles.
6. awareness of influence and responsibility I owe to those around me; my family, my friends, my colleagues. Responsibility in general, I carry weight around, and it's up to me to make it heavy and burdensome or light and rewarding.
7. you should not be doing things you don't want to do, but you do have to understand that compromise is KING sometimes. Doing things you don't want to is sometimes necessary, for you and not for them.
8. it's up to me to inspire me.
9. inspiration only exists in small doses, the rest is work.
10. that time is moving even faster than I thought, and urgency is absolutely pivotal. 'If not now then when' has never felt more real and true.
One of my favorite books, gifted to me when I was 23, The Social Animal by David Brooks, is one of those books I always refer back to. I'm rereading it this month for the sake of reminders. It takes me back to living in DC, and takes me back to a time in life where urgency was so strong in so many diverse facets of my life.
“I’ve come to think that flourishing consists of putting yourself in situations in which you lose self-consciousness and become fused with other people, experiences, or tasks. It happens sometimes when you are lost in a hard challenge, or when an artist or a craftsman becomes one with the brush or the tool. It happens sometimes while you’re playing sports, or listening to music or lost in a story, or to some people when they feel enveloped by God’s love. And it happens most when we connect with other people. I’ve come to think that happiness isn’t really produced by conscious accomplishments. Happiness is a measure of how thickly the unconscious parts of our minds are intertwined with other people and with activities. Happiness is determined by how much information and affection flows through us covertly every day and year."
...and thus came a conscious recognition that to be conscious all the time is absolutely not the goal.
This revelation came at a strange time, in a field, at the park, as the rays from the sun sensationalized the laughs, screams, couples and families sitting among us. Being consciously present how so many unconcsious things brought me to that sweet, sweet moment of bliss.
And with a week away, I'm excited for 27 as 26 lended necessary tools, lessons and moments of 'uh-huh.'
May 27 be this, and only this:
urgent
consciously and unconsciously rewarding
rooted
October has a way of getting these thoughts, words and feelings out of me. Writing alone is the outlet that I neglect the most, yet the one that is the most important and fulfilling on so many levels. Mornings like this solidify how the simplest mornings can turn into the most significant with some urgency and passion.
more urgency. more passion. less clutter.
