she refuses to face [your definition of reality]

REALITY

re·al·i·ty

rēˈalətē/

noun

the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

1. "he refuses to face reality"

“When you grow up you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world, try not to bash into the walls too much, try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

-Steve Jobs.

Once you learn that, things will never be the same again.

You know why it’s bullshit when someone tells you to be realistic? Well, because they are asking you to succumb to their scale of reality, which is obviously very different from yours.

The external factors surrounding us condition us to believe that we have to coexist in this limiting world. Inside of this structure, we are asked to be law abiding citizens, who put their time in at their 9to5, pay their bills, buy a hybrid and a house with a double garage filled with goods that we don’t really need, but are made to believe we desperately need.

In China this is more so the case than in any other country I have previously experienced.

One thing that will always distinguish America from the rest of the world is its ability to continually innovate and produce. I think that this has a lot to do with how they view success and how they view failure. 

Now before I continue, please understand that I DO NOT think America has it together in any way, rather, I believe they have done something right in regards to encouraging creativity; to not just to consume, but to also produce. 

Fear of failure and expectations cripple many countries, China being one of those countries. Entrepreneurship and innovation are not encouraged like they are, say for example, in America. (Please consider the many exceptions, Jack Ma being one that sticks out).

The definition of a successful individual.

- a doctor

- a public sector employee

- a lawyer

- a engineer

These definitions and expectations have led to a state where it's difficult to diverge from the pact, and more, has created a culture that is ruled by fear. A fear of failure, if you will. 

This ‘fear of failure’ isn’t only prominent in Asia, rather a crippling fear around the globe. However, from experience, this 'FOF' is a much more prominent force here in China. 

There is a saying in China. It says something like this: ‘the nail that sticks out will be hammered in.’

A society that aims to produce a homogenous whole will sooner or later hit a wall. Today China, though growing at an incredible pace, feels the many negative repercussions of promoting such a rigid structure of what it means to be successful and what it means to be realistic.

With one of the worlds largest populations, much more innovation and talent should be coming out of this immense land. However, what we see, is a huge amount of consumption, a growing middle glass and thus a steady growth in GDP. We also see a lot of replication and not innovation. 

What makes China powerful in this day and age, is not it’s ability to produce…not yet anyway. It’s the consumer base that is so hungry for goods, foreign goods. 

Yes, China is not the only country that relies heavily on imports and foreign goods. But, there is no reason why there can’t be a ‘Made in China for Chinese People’ attitude.

In America, American’s buy GMC’s and Fords, and Apple products and Nike sneakers and they eat McDonalds and drink Starbucks. Though their goods may not be manufactured in America, they are American made, and not just for American’s but for people around the world.

Because of a ‘fear of failure’ many countries will continue to lag behind and will continue to give America the fuel it needs to continue leading. 

Take South Korea for example. President Park Geun Hye is urging reform for her country: ‘change or perish.’ In South Korea, the majority of the population falls into two categories: a Samsung employee or a Hyundai employee. Otherwise, one fills a traditional societal role that is deemed realistic and successful.

Innovation has become stagnant. Society has become stagnant. People have become complacent.

Why?

Because society tells us to be realistic.

Don’t go to a fine arts school. Be realistic. Art cannot equal money. No money = shitty life. Be safe, play by the rules. Take the pension and the benefits package. 

We are not asked to live a limited life, we are told to live a limited life, and often by the people who love us most. Their fear of your failure can be just a crippling as your own fear. 

Though a‘fear of failure’ exists in America, a reform in institutions and an encouragement to think outside of the box has really created a new movement. For the first time in a long time there is this appeal to entrepreneurs who are barely making it every single month. Why? Because they are producing insane shit that is changing our world.

Steve Jobs knew no form of reality other than his own. His experimentation with LSD triggered much thought about ‘reality’ and brought him to the realization that there was really no such thing.  He pushed boundaries. Things that were said to be impossible were never impossible with Steve (take for example rounded corners on your computer and floating staircases.) 

“When you grow up you, tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world, try not to bash into the walls too much, try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

It’s true, once you learn that, things are never the same.

In fact, things get shitty because you lose the ability and desire to want to coexist in a limiting world.

You’re hungry for things that cannot be verbalized…because, well, you don’t know what you’re hungry for.

The saying goes: Make your dreams come true, or spend your life getting paid to make someone else’s dreams come true.

Do I think everyone should be an entrepreneur? HELL NO.

Do I think that being a teacher, or a lawyer, or a doctor, or a Samsung employee makes you inferior to a freelancer who is creating? NO.

Do I think that we’re conditioned to living a limiting life? YES.

Here’s the biggest revelation I had in recent months.

Choosing one path simultaneously means choosing to forgo another…and that sucks in a lot of ways.

It’s difficult.

It’s difficult because I want both worlds.

I want to escape and venture and learn and breathe in new people and new experiences. I want to create and to push the envelope and I want to build something.

I also want stability and love and a home and maybe even a car…anything concrete.

It’s easy for other people to tell you how lucky you are.

“You’re so lucky, you’re living everyone’s dream life.”

I am lucky and I am so grateful for the opportunities that have presented themselves in the last couple of years. However, I think a lot of people turn a blind eye to the things I have chosen to forgo.

Choosing one path simultaneously means choosing to forgo another.

I left a world of comfort, a good world, for a world that is fun and exciting, but also complicated and unstable. I left my family and a well-paid job and friends who can never be replaced.

All of this because I can no longer bear the idea of living a limiting life.

This is more and more clear every single passing day.

I am choosing to forgo a lot of things that my friends have right now. Homes, and long-term plans, and boats, and cars and marriage and babies. I want these things too, but I just can’t have them. Not right now at least.

This is why it’s important to not compare yourself to other people.

I admire how simply happy some of my friends are. I envy their ability to have it together at such a young age. I can’t compare myself to them because if I do, it will eat me alive and leave me wanting to live a life that someone else has deemed realistic for themselves.

Life can be much broader if you just have the courage and will.

The point of all is to accept the fact that reality is what you make it.

One of the greatest gifts I got when I was 22 was this:

“Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.”

― Will Smith

I am so grateful to you for believing in me and never asking me to stay. 

Sometimes memories swell in the corner of my eyes and flow down my cheeks until they hit my color bone. They remind me just how lucky I was to have someone like you.

So I read this over and over and over again.

“When you grow up you, tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world, try not to bash into the walls too much, try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

After those words, nothing was the same, nothing will ever be the same.

To finish, a quote that a dear friend sent me in early March.

If you follow the herd you’ll end up stepping in shit. The shit refers to living with yourself when you ignore what you know to be right and true but instead following instructions of others who are afraid to leave the herd and want you to be just like everybody else.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

DO YOU, HOMIE. DO YOU.

Signed,

Tj.