People sit down and have real conversations about real things.
A few glasses of red wine and we dipped off into topics of depth; LOVE.
Here's the dynamic.
We are expats, and thus most of us here are all aspiring to do something. Ages between 23 and 33. Rowdy, but intellectual bunch.
We have a few couples, single wanderers, some hopeless romantics and then those who think love/marriage is not really attainable or real or whatever. You understand, we all have those friends.
There are those of us who feel as though we have a timeline. We need to figure shit out before our biological clock runs up. For women this is a real worry, and the older I get, the more I find myself having this conversation.
Then there are those of us who are looking for someone to 'complete us.' To finish our sentences. To wake up to and fall asleep to. To share precious moments with and create memories with.
There are those that think that 90% of the world 'settles' (I fall into this group).
Others who just want someone to 'kick it with.' haha.
Our needs and desires and goals and aspirations are all different, yet the reality is that we are all searching for the exact same thing; LOVE.
I'm by no means a hopeless romantic, BUT I do believe that ultimately love is the best thing anyone can experience and feel.
I've read a lot of scientific articles on the importance of emotional fulfillment and how pivotal it is for human beings. We all require it, what varies is the form it comes in and how much of it we require.
From conversations like these you actually realize the diverse emotional needs and desires people have, and ultimately, when your partner is unable to deliver, or worse, your partner is not on the same page as you, your relationship starts to go south.
The conversation made me think of these [stupid] posts I constantly see on the numerous social media platforms I utilize (too many of them).
Something along the lines of...
'you deserve a guy who will buy you flowers, hold your door open, tell you he loves you...'
I guess the reason why I have lost faith in 21st century relationships and marriages is because they are focused on, for the lack of better words, materialistic expectations and plain bullshit.
Do I want to be surprised with coffee or a trip or a handbag? Sure. We all like that.
I just think we put way too much emphasis on these things and not our actual emotional needs.
I can write someone off after one date because I can easily recognize that their needs and interests are far different from mine. Too many people don't do this. Why? Well, for one, they are lonely. Two, they like the idea of you more than the actual YOU.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got in my twenties was to write a list of five things you are not willing to move on for anyone. To be honest, it served as significant clarity after I actually took the time to put it down on paper.
Don't look for someone to spoil you. Don't look for someone to complete you. Don't look for someone to make you their world.
Look for someone who fulfills your emotional needs and makes you a better version of you. Look for someone who values things you value, but someone who can also show you and teach you something new. Look for someone who can seduce you with their vocabulary and humor. Look for real love because too many people don't. Look for someone who will not necessarily make you their world, but an important part of it.
Don't kill yourself looking. Matter of fact, don't go out seeking the perfect match because expectations kills everything.
Ultimately we all crave affection, attention and love.
You find what you seek, so seek something real and true.
