When I was getting ready to relocate, I found comfort in the idea that forty or so thousand expats live here...I didn't account for the 25 million other people that live in Shanghai. Rookie mistake.
For the first time in my life, I'm the minority. This is an interesting concept to think about, but more, an interesting one to experience. Did I mention I don't speak a sliver of Mandarin? This has proven to be a challenging scenario, one that promises one thing: mastering the art of acting things out.
The cave you fear to enter holds the greatest treasure you seek. - Joseph Campbell
It's only been a week, and it's been quite the journey. In order to be able to find an apartment, I needed a functioning cell phone. When I walked in and asked for help in english, I got a blank stare and a nod: "nope."
So on to the next one. I found my way to another cellphone stop, where I [hesitantly] signed pages upon pages of paperwork I didn't understand. I laughed as the lady stamped the papers, and proceeded to give me a SIM card. BOOM. I have a Chinese phone number! I don't really know or understand the details, but I have a functioning phone.
This led me on to my next challenge, housing. There was little time to think, only to act. I saw 6 viewings on Sunday. Got to know the subway system and city by foot. My first viewing was in an old lanehouse, 6th floor, no elevator and about 580 sq. feet. My second viewing started with a bang! (An elderly Chinese man opened the door in his underwear). The other viewings, all left me feeling a little frustrated. I decided to look at the option of having a room mate. One of my final viewings ended up being a large, modern loft space with an amazing view. I was sold. One-year lease signed.
On a daily basis, I struggle with the idea of what to eat. Not because there isn't enough options, because believe me there is. Rather, I have to find a place with a picture menu or a menu translated into English...which come far and few in between. It's all a learning process, you see. An empowering process. I can do this!
I have yet to have the: "OH SHIT, WHAT DID I JUST GET MYSELF INTO" moment. You may say I am still honeymooning. I am constantly entertained, and stimulated by the people and things that are happening around me. I love walking around alone, listening to my favorite playlist on repeat, watching people just live their life here, and just being lost all of the time.
I feel extremely grateful and blessed to be here. It's a difficult thing to explain because I have an amazing group of friends at home, [had] a well-paid job, an amazing and supportive family base, yet I felt unfulfilled. Though coming here was difficult, it was easy. Though coming here was scary, the unknown was exhilarating.
"Everything you want is on the other side of fear." - Jack Canfield
My mom wrote me today, in her note she said: "When we were dropping you off last Thursday, I felt as though my heart was going to break, but now that I see that you are making your way around, and that you're happy, I'm happy." "Your dad and I are very proud of you for taking on this journey."
I swear to you, there is no better feeling in the world then when your parents express how proud they are.
My mom is worried for me. She sometimes worries that my dreams are too big for my own sake and that I will fail and leave discouraged and unhappy. Well the reality is that I will fall. I will cry. I will have days where I second guess my decision to make Shanghai my new home. However, I know and she knows that I don't have it in me to fail. Failure is simply not an option.
She often says, you have your fathers genes. I DO! And because of those genes, I know that I will be fine. Well, more than just fine. GREAT.
Though in a much different context, Mao Zedong made the famous remark: “A single spark can start a prairie fire.” I can only hope that this experience will be the spark that I have been waiting and working for. The greatest gift this opportunity can bestow on me, is to open my eyes and my heart to new things. I'm hungry for knowledge. I want to learn. I want to grow. Quite frankly, I want to be a powerhouse.
Someday we will find what we are looking for. Or maybe we won't; maybe we will find something far greater.
It's not easy to leave comfort. It's not easy leaving contentment. It's not easy leaving your base. But what's the hardest, is living a life you're not sure you're meant for...
I read this a little bit ago and it really resonated with me.
"One of the interesting things about success is that we think we know what it means. A lot of the time our ideas about what it would mean to live successfully are not our own. They’re sucked in from other people. And we also suck in messages from everything from the television to advertising to marketing, etcetera. These are hugely powerful forces that define what we want and how we view ourselves. What I want to argue for is not that we should give up on our ideas of success, but that we should make sure that they are our own. We should focus in on our ideas and make sure that we own them, that we’re truly the authors of our own ambitions. Because it’s bad enough not getting what you want, but it’s even worse to have an idea of what it is you want and find out at the end of the journey that it isn’t, in fact, what you wanted all along.” [HERE]
I'm sure there will be sad days. Lonely days. Days where I just want my niece and nephew. Days when I want to drink wine with my best girl friends. Days where I miss dads BBQ's. Days where I have the infamous FOMO (fear of missing out). But bad days make good days that much better.
Dreams can only be dreams for so long. There comes a time when you turn your dreams into goals, expectations and benchmarks. There is no better time than now.
The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.
I am here now and I promise to be present and alive in this moment. I promise to do my best and learn the language as best as I possibly can. I promise to step outside of my comfort zone....I'm already 30 steps outside of it. I promise to keep you all in the loop on how it's all going.
Yours in cheap manicures and delicious noodles,
TJ.
