It's hard to believe it was five years ago you came into our
lives. I will never forget that day; it was emotionally one of the most
painful and memorable days of my life, of all of our lives.
I
remember it all so vividly. The confusion, the anger, the hurt, the
worry.
Will you fit in and be accepted? Will you be happy? Will you have
a date to prom? Will you drive?
All the things we assume are given
factors, for you, well, we were unsure, and that insecurity still lingers.
I will never forget getting a call from your mom that day:"You're an aunty to a little girl" she said, with a tremble in her voice, and then her tears were felt through the receiver..."a sick little girl, Ana was born with down syndrome." I was at work, I remember hitting the ground and I remember Jason picking me up and I was in such hysterics he didn't know what was even happening.
Your mom was the strongest person through all of this, and this remains unchanged. You are a very lucky girl to have her. And just on a side note to my sister, you are the best mom ever and I will forever admire your ability to set your own needs and wants aside for others around you.
It's difficult because I associate your birthday with a lot of pain and confusion.
You know, you assume everyone just has healthy babies and takes them home in a day or two and lives happily ever after. Things were easy with Alex and we assumed the same routine for you. Your birth was clarity, clarity to something we all take for granted- 'health is wealth.'
Your big brother kept asking all of us why we were so sad, why we were crying. He was confused why we weren't as excited about his baby sister as he was. I remember, he would get so mad when we wouldn't let him hold you, because he held you almost like a football and burrito at the same time, but he was SO excited to have a little sister. More so, he was SO excited to be a BIG brother.
Oh Ana, how you have done so much for all of us in five short years.
One ends up looking at the world through a new lens.
We are so very grateful and lucky to have you; you have taught us more than you will ever know and understand. You brought a new level of awareness, a new appreciation. You brought our family and friends closer together, you reaffirmed that fact that love is so unconditional.
You were our miracle. You are our miracle. You Ana, every single day, teach us the power of patience, time, effort and love. Everything with you may take more time, but the results are also twice as rewarding. We are in awe with your ability to keep up to your ambitious brother. Your fearlessness to dive into a pool head first after Alex. Your ability to adopt new vocabulary every day. Your ability to go in and out of the hospital with the same grin on your face, month after month.
It's all humbling..this whole experience.
With you, it's one day at a time, and each day is a blessing.
I am so lucky to have you and you are so lucky to have me. I promise to be a kick-ass aunty who ensures your shoes and clothes are always on par. I love when you watch me do my makeup and then subsequently say: "my turn." I'll teach you so many tricks and I'll read so many books to you. I have so much to teach you, but I know you have so much more to teach me.
And today I'm a little heavy hearted. It's the first birthday I am missing, and I really don't like being away for milestones like these. I love you and miss you incredibly. I miss cuddles and cartoons on Saturday mornings. I miss the way you yell auntyyyyyyy when you see me and run into my arms. I miss dance parties in my room. I miss swimming pool dates and movies. I miss slurpees and bike rides. I miss the way you insist on doing everything by yourself; 'I DO, I DO, I DO.'
It's your persistence and your hunger that you display every day that make me realize you will be just fine; more than just fine; you'll be great.
Today Ms. BanANA, enjoy being spoiled rotten and showered with love, you deserve it all and so much more. You have no idea how much you have taught all of us.
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Happy fifth birthday, Ana.
Love always,
Aunty t.
