Life's been busy out here, and as much as I don't like to put writing on the back burner, it happens.
Revelations pt. 287542943. haha.
I've been thinking about this concept of certainty for some time. What are we certain of?
Turns out, very little.
The fact that we can't look into the future, and that we don't necessarily know the consequences of our actions, holds us back from making decisions, specifically BIG decisions.
Uncertainty makes us reserved. Gives us a fear of failure.
I think it holds us back from making decisions we often should make.
My advice to everyone is always: 'go with your gut feeling.'
I know I don't just speak for myself when I say that we often ignore that gut feeling because there's something just not right about it...or something so right about it, yet, you're just not ready to admit and stomach that harsh reality.
That's the scary thing...the implications that go along with our decisions.
Quitting our jobs, moving away, ending relationships, big purchases; they all give us this anxiety because of uncertainty, we just don't know. What if I hate my new job, what if I miss home, what if I miss him, what if this new car isn't what I thought it would be.
SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.
I hate this. I hate that my life can be steered into a direction I don't want it to go into because of a what if.
After Steve Jobs passed his famous speech made headlines around the world. I read it multiple times. I discussed it with my friends, my coworkers, my family. Some enjoyed it and talked about how nice of an 'idea' it was.
(For reference, here's what I am talking about: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html).
Steve's story isn't just beautiful. It's authentic. It's inspiring. Mostly, it's courageous.
It gave me the courage to trust in something- my gut.
My gut is my certainty. It gives me peace and confidence when I need it most. It gives me courage. It gives me peace of mind."You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."
I know I haven't found it."I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."
Am I naive for thinking that I will find it? Some would argue yes, absolutely. But what the fuck is the point of living a life that is not the life you imagined yourself living. I am certain that the world you [we] desire can be won; it exists and it's real, but that shit isn't going to come easy.
I'm not interested in living a life that doesn't make me happy. Ultimately, it's not money, it's not things, it's fulfillment and happiness that I (we) all want.
Does that mean that a lot of people live life unhappy? No, absolutely not. Some people are simply happy. What may fulfill you, may not fulfill me. Isn't this why so many things don't work out?
One thing I have really come to realize is that your partners understanding of fulfillment should compliment and in many ways, mirror your understanding of fulfillment . This is where I think the whole 'opposites attract' mentality is false. You can be different people, you can have different interests and goals, but one thing you should be on the same page about is fulfillment and happiness. What does it mean to you, what kinds of depths are you willing to go into to get what you want?
Does he fulfill you?
Like my work, I want my future lover to fulfill me. How will I know? I hope to have the: 'I wish I had done everything in my life with you' moment when I meet him.
*It should be noted that this hopeless romantic in me is something that has been very recently awoken.*
If I could change one thing about myself, it would be exactly this; this; this lack of simplicity, this complex desire of fulfillment. But sure there must be someone as complex and thirsty.
'Happiness is simple, yet everything we do to get it is so complex.'
Sometimes my complexity even baffles me and sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes it means being really hard on yourself. Sometimes it makes for bad days. But a simple reminder that bad days make good days better keeps the wheels turning.
I don't want to get lost in this battle. I don't always want to be searching for the next best thing. I don't want to always be seeking. I don't want to drown in goals, ideas and ambitions. I won't. I'm cultivating habits that make me happy and grateful to be where I currently find myself. One step at a time. One project at a time. One goal at a time.
Change, progress, accomplishments, successes and failures. They're all part of this quest.
To say that Steve's words left an impression on me, is an understatement.
I asked someone recently: what's one thing you're certain of and his answer was death.
It's one thing we are all CERTAIN of, which is what this is all about.
I just don't want to look at other people with admiration for their courage, their drive, their success. I don't want to wonder what my life would have been like had I taken chances. I want to admire myself, my own actions, my own choices. I want to say I did what I set out to do. I want to find fulfillment and happiness in the fullest and purest form.Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
These gut decisions have not let me down.
[ As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.]
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
TC.
